Anise
01 April 1998 – 12 September 2013
Our Momentous Journey
The excitement, trepidation and adventure – Ours and Hers.
The thrill of wind-brushed fur and smells of life.
Wide, true smiles on faces of fur and skin.
Life – glorious in the moment.
Beaches to traverse, car-rides a series of discoveries.
The past, familiar with each child seen.
The present, abound with exploration.
Life – wondrous in the moment.
Brindled fur, tail trailing long, ears large and soft and oh that tongue!
Her fresh face belies her aged body,
pretty as the everlasting Daisy
Life – beautiful throughout all moments.
Soft grass and warm sand ease aged paws, while younger, bark and play.
Her silent world, isolated in the
transient, absent sphere of dementia.
Life – observed not in the moment.
The immobility a surprise, yet not unexpected.
The loss of control now accepted with
a mindset shuffle. She rises to it.
Life – shifts in a moment.
Stumbling with blurred eyes to midnight baths, we knew the roles we played.
Her grateful eyes reflect the dark sadness
in ours, despite the gleam of bright star skies.
Life – persists in (sometimes satirical) moments.
Snuggled wagon rides and warm observation decks replace walks.
Arms bathe and ferry; grace and dignity
become aspirations sometimes attained.
Life – embraced in moments.
Vulnerable, though never helpless by virtue of kind touch.
Her Frailty, Her Strength; Our Frailty, Our Strength.
Loyal and soft hearts respect the fragile.
Life – love in the moment.
Food refused time and again, hunger a distant memory.
Though body feeble, pure spirit begets
her undeniable tenacity.
Life – held firm, every moment.
Seasons march relentlessly as she shivers in weaker sun.
The insensitive swift channel of time,
shows no ripple of the deep emotions.
Life – intense in the moment.
Searching for answers and connections in those deep chocolate pools.
What does she want? How does she feel? And then
from our need, What have we become to her?
Life – sorrowful in the moment.
The isolation and confusion of palliative care.
Advice, opinions, guilt, baseless praise.
Key-bearers to life and ushers to death.
Life – tormented in the moment.
Unease and doubt creeps insidiously as maritime fog.
All we have left to give is peace, though for
that bitter deal we must forfeit her flesh.
Life – heart-wrenching in the moment.
Tangible sanctions the supernal with a well-rehearsed mark.
A kiss goodbye, a gentle squeeze of paw,
a plunge – no turning back, no room for doubt.
Life – taken in that moment.
The sorrow extraordinary, the emptiness fathomless.
Seeking signs, assigning meanings to heal
the raw grief and make sense of actions past.
Life – misery in the moment.
The yearning trail for the physical, evidence of a life.
Remembrances a poor host to comfort,
failing to block out the final gasp of
Life’s breath – expired in a moment.
Tangled roots and rocks insist upon carving a shallow grave.
She’s closer as we whisper our good-nights;
death a roadblock to communication.
Life – planting obstacles in the moment.
And there she goes. Our journey ends as she treads a different path.
She left her gifts for us to find as we
retrace our journey and ask, “where is she?
Life – Anise’s every moment.